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I think to myself that after 12 years of being in pain I would get used to it, but I don't. I look at my hands and see that they are swollen, which happens often when they are in pain. As I go to work, I can feel the pain in my back creep up into my shoulders and neck, and eventually I have to sit down and take a break. There are still many things to do when someone is chronically ill, and today I need to clean the bathroom, wash the sheets, dust, make sure Adam has enough medications for the next couple of weeks and finish some things from work and school. When I get home, Adam has fallen asleep and I take a sigh of relief that he is able to sleep for awhile. The points add up as I am constantly refilling Adam's prescriptions, or picking up new ones. The cashier tells me that I have enough points saved up to get a discount. I ask for help and 10 minutes later I am checking out. I know right where the Pedialyte is, but of course they are out. As I step out of the car into the pharmacy, the pain increases in my legs, but again I ignore it.
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No matter how many times I wake up to find Adam in this position, or stay up with him late into the night to help him through the illness, it never becomes easier. As I drive, I try to take calming breaths. As I help Adam settle back into the bed, I quickly put on some shoes to run to the pharmacy. I then remember that we are out of Pedialyte, which helps restore electrolytes when the dehydration becomes this bad from throwing up so much. I go to get his feeding tube supplies and as he sits, we gently use his feeding tube to give him water. As I help him back to bed, with Rusty at our heels, Adam tells me that he knows he is dehydrated. I help Adam to his feet and feel a sharp pain in my back and hands, but I ignore it. He awakes with a start, and I tell him to let me help him back to the bed. I gently put my hand on Adam's shoulder to wake up. I fall on my knees with a sigh, and give Rusty some grateful pats on the head. I look at this scene and a bit of my heart cracks for the millionth time. Our sweet golden retriever, Rusty is laying by him with her soft brown eyes open, as if she hasn't slept either but has stayed awake with him all night watching over him. I leave the bedroom and immediately find Adam curled up on the floor outside of the bathroom with a bowl. I look over and see that Adam is not in the bed, which for us right now, is not a good sign. I turn the alarm off and cringe as I sit up from the pain.
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I can feel the pain in my back and legs as I hear the alarm clock waking me up.